Ask Amy: Mom's picky eating creates embarrassment
Dear Perturbed: Your desire for your mother to leave her comfort zone is natural and understandable, but her extremely picky eating does not excuse her rudeness.
Your mother might have ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder), an eating disorder characterized by an extreme aversion to lots of different foods. You could suggest that she research this possibility (information about ARFID is on the National Eating Disorders website: nationaleatingdisorders.org).
However, having dietary limitations, restrictions, phobias or preferences does not give a person license to announce it at a party.
Furthermore, the idea that your mother let your mother-in-law cook a special dish for her -- at your MIL's own landmark birthday party -- is quite beyond the plate.
The way you present this, your mother behaved in a way that was both rude and entitled.
Whether her disordered eating is caused by health problems or specific food-based fears, is something that she should sort out. If she wants to expand her cuisine, and be less limited and fearful, she should seek medical and/or therapeutic help. Her eating problems are definitely interfering with her enjoyment of some everyday experiences.
In the future, you should encourage her to bring her own food in a container. She could very easily say, "I have a very limited diet, so I need to bring my own food whenever I eat away from home." She should not make any pointed, critical, or specific remarks about the food offered.
You (and she) should also offer heartfelt gratitude to your in-laws for being so kind and hospitable.
Dear Amy: I don't know if readers send you follow-ups about how they are doing, and if they're taking your advice, but I want to let you know that I have!
My letter was signed "Angry Ashley." I was hanging out with "Steve," and it wasn't a good situation for me. I took your advice and I have been going to counseling, and I have started an antidepressant.
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