Ask Amy: In-laws seek a favor and are shown the door
We have decided to have a meeting (with us, the couple, and the father-in-law) in a few weeks. We will invite the mother-in-law.
Any suggestions on how to tackle this challenge?
-- Worried Parents
Dear Worried: Calling a meeting sounds like a good idea, and yet ... what you are actually doing is inviting yourselves -- and these other parents -- into a process that should be controlled by the marrying couple. Ask yourselves, very seriously, what you hope to achieve and then ponder, very frankly, the likely outcome.
There might be cultural issues or traditions you want to honor, but -- generally speaking, modern marrying couples should make all of the major decisions regarding the wedding together, as a couple. Both sets of parents can be involved -- sometimes very involved -- but this should be at the behest of the couple.
The groom should never agree to look at venues without the bride.
This young man is going to have to do more than try to plow middle ground. Letting his mother run the show, and cutting his fiancee out of this process, establishes a terrible precedence.
Dear Amy: "K in Colorado" was upset because, at the age of 68, some people assume he is his young son's grandfather.
Thank you for pointing out that many grandparents are raising young children. My husband and I are in that group. We are tired, lonely, and we feel invisible.
-- Gram
Dear Gram: I see you. You are heroes to your family.
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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
