ArcaMax

This has a "Meet the Parents" quality to it, and I can only hope the adult children dress up in matching "footie" onesies in order to scamper down the stairs and greet their Santa-haul.

Unless this family engages in (other) creepy and/or juvenile or infantilizing behavior, I think you should see this as a delightful annual one-off. Do not attempt to get in on it. You don't have to do every single thing your husband does. Nor do you need to convince him to stop participating in a silly ritual that might actually have meaning for all of them. Although it would be gracious for them to attempt to include you, you could easily and politely demur.

It would be a fun project for someone to splice together over two decades of this footage into a montage. If you are good at this sort of thing, you might give it to the family as a holiday gift next year.

Dear Amy: I keep in touch with an old, out-of-town friend by phone several times a year.

My friend recently had to move his elderly mother into a memory care center following her Alzheimer's diagnosis.

When we speak next, should I ask how his mom is doing?

I'm reluctant to raise an obviously painful subject in the course of an otherwise pleasant conversation.

-- R

Dear R: Not only should you ask your friend how his mother is doing, but to avoid this important subject would be insensitive, and would not serve your friendship.

Your friend's mother hasn't disappeared. She exists in the world, and presumably is still very much in his life.

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