ArcaMax

To me it is like them addressing me as "Old Lady" to make a joke, and I cringe when I hear it, but say nothing.

I think these people would be surprised to learn that it is embarrassing for me to have strangers nearby turn around to see the old lady he's talking to. Any ideas as to how to respond and how to get men to stop using this phrase?

-- Not Young

Dear Not Young: I'm running your question because I just encountered this phenomenon personally for the first time. While passing through a busy airport, I was addressed as "young lady" not once, but twice! My first impulse was to think that I was looking particularly ancient, because, like you, I assume that this condescending phrase is directed only toward elderly women -- intended, I guess, to make us feel youthful and appreciated.

And so, to all of you nice men out there doing this -- please stop.

I went to Twitter with this dilemma, and I've cobbled together a response that has a distinctly Mae West ring to it: "First of all, I'm not young. And I'm definitely no lady."

Dear Amy: "Concerned Cousins" thought they might have located a previously unknown cousin after their uncle's death. Why on Earth would you suggest that they try to fulfill elements of their uncle's unsigned will, which you already presume is not valid?

-- Bad Advice

Dear Bad Advice: I suggested that if these cousins could verify this person's identity, and if there were photos or material items belonging to their uncle that they could (or wanted to) part with, they should consider doing so.

Just to be nice.

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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)