Separated soulmates are eager to connect
Dear Amy: I'm at a loss how to respond when random men order me to "Smile!" while I'm going about my day.
I'm sure these guys think they are being playful and debonair, but to me it feels like I'm not measuring up, and that I must try harder.
These men have no idea whether or not I just lost a dear family member, or I gambled away my child's college fund and don't feel like smiling.
Interestingly, men don't tell other men to smile, women don't tell men to smile, and women don't tell women to smile. I wonder why that is?
What do you do when this happens to you?
-- RBF
Dear RBF: When this happens to me, I quietly seethe, thinking about all of the awesome comebacks I could deliver, and then forgetting them all. I definitely don't smile.
I don't know what motivates people (I have had women do this) to demand or suggest that complete strangers should "smile." It's not playful. It's definitely not "debonair." To me, it feels like a casual assertion of privilege -- as if someone can basically demand that a stranger should change her face around to please them. I don't believe there is a lot -- if any -- forethought put into these commands, which is part of what makes them so maddening. Somebody says this to you -- because they feel like it. They want you to shape your face differently. I have read that some people who issue this command believe that they are being helpful in some way.
I think the next time someone demands this of me, I'll just say, "No."
Dear Amy: I'm responding to "Bothered in CO," the family whose pale-skinned daughter was upset by comments about her skin tone.
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