Online addict worries about relationship
I hope you understand that you have violated his trust, repeatedly. The only way to gain it back is for you to change, and then to prove that you've changed. Even then, it might be too late for your relationship, but it won't be too late for you.
Dear Amy: Over the past six months, I have been struggling with a dilemma.
After getting my DNA results, I have found a younger relative, who was put up for adoption. He is a lovely young man, and we have corresponded.
After some detective work, I have narrowed down which of my cousins fathered this child.
I am not close to this cousin (he is in his late 60s) or his mother (90s), who is still alive.
My question is, do I give this information to the biological father? He married late in life and his wife passed away a few years ago. He does not have (other) children. He is estranged from many family members and I think he struggles with depression.
The son has had a very good life, says he is happy and lucky, and that he does not want to start any drama. Quite honestly, he is delightful. I am not close with my cousin, since I moved away 50 years ago.
If I contact him, how do I do it? Phone call, email, letter?
-- Torn
Dear Torn: If your younger relative is interested in contacting his biological father, you could start the process by contacting your cousin and sharing the younger man's contact information. Write a short email and be completely transparent, neutral and nonjudgmental about the entire transaction. Ask your cousin to reply so you know he received the email, and then leave the rest to him.
Dear Amy: The letter from "Crystalized" made me crazy. Here is a person who set a table using crystal that cost $200 per glass! How extravagant and wasteful is that? I was glad you called her out on her own rudeness.
-- Disgusted
Dear Disgusted: People have the right to be extravagant. Their extravagance should be accompanied by magnanimity, however.
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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
