Parents fret about daughter's abusive relationship
You seem to be a lifeline for your daughter, so keep talking and listening.
She sounds very depressed. You have suggested a number of logical action-items for her -- but if she is severely depressed or unwell, she won't be able to do any of them. Focus on her health.
You and your husband should travel to see her. Don't put her through the anxiety of trying to clear it with "Sharon." Just tell her, "We're going to come out next week. We have a place to stay, but we just want to see you to check in."
Don't paint this as a showdown or extraction. This is just two parents checking in on their daughter and visiting her and her partner. Do not confront her partner. Do what you can to assist your daughter to be seen by a medical professional while you're there.
A book that might help you both is, "Who's Pulling Your Strings? How to Break the Cycle of Manipulation and Regain Control of Your Life," by Harriet Braiker, Ph.D. (2004, McGraw-Hill).
Dear Amy: My life partner left his more than 20-year toxic marriage five years ago. He worked with his therapist for years in order to leave.
His daughter (in her mid-20s) still resides at the family home with her mother. Her mother doesn't work, and the daughter doesn't drive.
While his daughter sometimes texts, dad mostly does not see her or his son (also an adult). While dad sends his children birthday cards, Christmas gifts, a monthly allowance and pays their cellphone bills, mom still unleashes hate toward him.
Time is not their father's friend, as he has a rare cancer. I am concerned that he will die without insight, understanding or forgiveness all around.
I have encouraged my love to invite them into family therapy so that new healthy boundaries can be learned.
...continued
