The kids are ungrateful, so why keep giving?
How can we cope with this?
-- Hurt
Dear Hurt: Your son, his wife and children don't seem to be behaving up to your standard, and it is up to you to communicate this to them.
The issue with the back-to-school photo is petty. I assume this has become a stand-in for how disrespected you feel in other ways.
You seem to lay your disappointment at the feet of your daughter-in-law, and yet your son is a member of this family -- and you raised him. Surely he shoulders some responsibility for his family's poor manners.
If you want these family members to behave differently, then you should respectfully ask them to. You can say, "We love you all, but feel unappreciated. We feel you aren't grateful for our generosity because ... well, you never express it. We'd really appreciate a 'thank you' when we extend ourselves to you and the kids ... when we pick up the check, send gifts, and support you financially. Being thanked would mean a lot to us."
And then, depending on how they respond, YOU could choose to behave differently.
If you don't want to finance their various ventures because of their perennial lack of gratitude, then stop. If their behavior doesn't change and you choose to continue, then do so in a spirit of generosity, where the generosity itself is its own reward. If you do this, then you don't get to complain about their ingratitude.
Dear Amy: I am one of those people who is always working on ways to improve myself. I will start a fitness routine, a healthy eating routine, or a "sort and tidy" routine, but will give up fairly quickly.
I'm wondering if you have any ideas for how to get new routines to stick.
...continued
