Grandparents heap 'stuff' onto the grandkids
Dear Upset: Specific rules of etiquette shouldn't be necessary when basic politeness, consideration, and common sense would prevail.
However, we seem to live in a transitional period where people basically do what they want to do until they are stopped.
So let's state the obvious:
Yes, it is rude to film or photograph anything inside someone's private home without permission. This includes photographing the cat, the kids, or Instagramming the entrée.
It is so easy to ask, "Is it OK if I snap a pic of this and share it on social media?" The person asking should then wait for the answer and respect the host's choice.
If you see someone recording or photographing in your home and you don't want them to, you should say, "Hi, I'm so happy you're here, but I'd rather you not record right now. Thank you for understanding."
Yes, it is also rude (and wrong) to film a performer working a private party without the performer's permission. Your friend/magician might have been working on some new bits that weren't quite ready for primetime. Or this performer might have been happy for the exposure. It is both polite and easy to ask!
Dear Amy: I truly appreciate your answer to "Don't Know How to Let Go," the former alcoholic mom whose daughter was estranged from her.
I also grew up with an alcoholic mother. I, too, had a sad and challenging childhood. As you said, it is a burden to a child to have to do the things a mother should be doing. Thanks for pointing out that it is not all about the recovering alcoholic. The children need recovery too.
-- Grateful
Dear Grateful: Making amends requires patience and compassion toward the people who have been wounded. Yes, loved ones also deserve recovery.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
