ArcaMax

Dear Amy: I am one of four adult siblings, all in our 40s. One of my siblings and I have devoted ourselves to help counter the negative impacts of pet breeders and irresponsible pet owners, by fostering and spay/neuter volunteerism.

Recently, our sister announced that she will be buying a dog from a breeder!

She clearly is not interested in putting in the effort or caring about the impact of her actions.

Amy, I can't tell you how upset we are about this. The sister making this awful decision cannot be redirected. She has been enabled by our parents her entire life and, as an underdeveloped adult, lives in a bubble without any consideration of her impact on the environment.

How would you best recommend we handle this literal slap in the face?

-- Sibling of the Unconscionable

Dear Sibling: My first suggestion is that you stop seeing this as being about you and your values. This is about her and her values. She is not slapping you in the face; she is making a choice, which you vehemently disagree with.

She might be ignorant, wasteful and deliberately rejecting your activism.

So, message received.

You could respond by trying to create a "dog-neutral" balance to this behavior, by donating to a shelter the amount of money she paid for the dog, or by fostering a dog specifically in her honor.

Dear Amy: "Sad Mom" was upset that her youngest child missed her birthday two years in a row.

Although I love to get calls on my birthday, I think it is OK if a mom initiates the call. Placing the call yourself is worth it if it causes less stress and less fighting after the fact.

-- Been There

Dear Been There: Great advice.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)