ArcaMax

Otherwise, you could try a simple, more compassionate, but also truthful response: "Dear Gran, I received your letter. I'm genuinely sorry you are in this position. Unfortunately, I cannot be part of your solution. I hope you find peace during this part of your life. Every person deserves that, and I want that for you, too."

Dear Amy: Today I attended my son's "continuation ceremony," i.e., graduation from elementary school.

As part of the ceremony, six or eight parents were recognized for having done a lot of volunteering at the school over the years and were given small bouquets of flowers, delivered by their kids.

I was one of the recipients and was really touched.

Here's the problem: A few other people should have been recognized too -- one person in particular. In fact, I was shocked that she was overlooked (I don't know who came up with the list). Her contributions easily topped mine and some of the other people's.

After the ceremony, during the cake and fruit interlude, I caught her eye and smiled at her, while clutching my flowers. She gave me a kind of rueful smile back.

We're not close, just volunteer colleagues. In fact, I don't think she likes me. I considered saying, "These should have been yours," and "I don't know why they didn't give you flowers," and various other remarks, all of which seemed horrible.

So I didn't say anything. What on earth could I have said?

-- A Volunteer

Dear Volunteer: The rueful look you received was an invitation for you to acknowledge this other person's efforts. And yes, you could/should have said, "You are obviously more deserving than I, and I'm embarrassed that your own efforts were not acknowledged. I don't know what they were thinking, but I want to thank you very much for all you've done for this school, and all the children who have graduated today."

Dear Amy: I loved your answer to "Pissed Mom," the new mom whose elderly visiting father-in-law regularly seemed to "miss" the toilet when using it at night. I understand why she didn't want to clean up after him.

Thank you for suggesting that the older dad might have vision or other problems. And thank you for suggesting that "Pissed's" husband should handle this with his father.

-- Appreciative

Dear Appreciative: Many readers also expressed appreciation for the suggestion that "Pissed" and her husband should be sharing all diapering and cleaning chores.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)