ArcaMax

Dear Amy: I'm a 70-year-old woman with a 39-year-old daughter. She recently discovered through DNA testing that my husband is not her biological father.

I had to admit to having a love affair with a married man for two years. He would not get a divorce but wanted me as a mistress. We argued and he disowned me and our baby, and moved far away.

I recently located him, but his family refuses to let my daughter visit, as he had a severe stroke. I am very confused.

-- A Guilty Mom!

Dear Guilty: The timeline is a little unclear, but I'm going to assume that your husband has always known that he is not your daughter's biological father. Please understand that he is an important part of this family equation.

What you must do now is to be completely honest and transparent with your daughter, supplying answers to her questions, to the best of your ability. In addition to the emotional impact on her, she presumably has valid genetic questions. The married man who abandoned both you and his daughter cannot be expected to come around now, and if he is impaired, his family will realistically try to protect him (and themselves) from this shock.

Turn over any contact information to your daughter. Support her efforts, and also support her emotionally -- as she experiences a very challenging transitional period in her own life.

Dear Amy: I totally agree with your response to "Pete the Packrat."

Never rent a storage unit for your excess stuff. Doing so just creates a spatial vacuum to fill with more stuff. I learned this the hard way, and am trying very hard to change.

-- Former Packrat

Dear Packrat: What my family calls "hoeing out" is an ongoing process. I give you a lot of credit for sticking with it!

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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)