Ghosted friend struggles to cope at church
Dear Hurt: Don't avoid clergy counsel, simply because you anticipate what you will hear, pursue it.
You must find a way to process this. Your former friend has behaved unkindly by dropping you so suddenly and refusing an explanation.
You should be honest with her now. Tell her, "I admit to being very hurt and bewildered by your behavior toward me. I'm trying to forgive you for dumping me and I want to move on, but your refusal to communicate about why you have ended the friendship has made moving on even more challenging for me."
That's it. You simply speak your truth, without the expectation of any specific response or outcome. And then, yes -- you work on the forgiveness. Granting forgiveness is a personal and spiritual challenge. Forgiving her will liberate you, as well as deepen your faith practice.
My theory about this -- for what it is worth -- is that she (not you) has done something unethical or deeply embarrassing, and that she would rather bury it than deal with it.
Dear Amy: I was recently taken out to lunch for my birthday.
On the way back, my friend said, "Next time is on you!"
Am I old school, or was that really inappropriate?
-- Bemused Birthday
Dear Bemused: I don't think you pal's exclamation was really inappropriate -- just quite clunky. Ideally, the script would have been flipped.
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