ArcaMax

I'm mad at her. I don't understand why she feels this great rush to get married. I didn't get married until later, and had such grand adventures and experiences. I was hoping she would, too. Sometimes I cry about it.

I love her. I try to be interested and supportive, but it's really hard. I'm afraid she'll get pregnant right off the bat and put her career on hold.

How can I wrap my head around this and get past my disappointment? She's so young but I know she's going to do what she wants to do.

-- Sad Aunt

Dear Sad Aunt: People your niece's age often have boundless energy to cram in many momentous experiences. From your perch, this must seem like an exhausting whirlwind.

It is worrying that you would be brought to tears over your niece's (mainly positive) life choices. You view every single one of these choices through a scrim of your own needs and experiences. But she is not you. She is not supposed to serve your needs. She is definitely herself, and she has the right -- and the need -- to live her own life. She will definitely make mistakes along the way. This marriage might be one of them. Unfortunately, you cannot inoculate her from either the mistakes or the consequences.

Your only job is to continue to love her; you should not concern yourself too much with the particulars, or judge her harshly as she plows her own path. That's her parents' burden.

Dear Amy: As school has become increasingly harder and more academically challenging, I'm finding it necessary to quit some other activities. One in particular is my music lessons.

I have always enjoyed playing the harp and my teacher has become a mentor to me.

I eventually told her that I am thinking about moving on and I told her why, but I could tell that I made her sad.

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