Job seeker needs a little help from his friends
What am I supposed to do? Should I confront them directly? Our kids get along great and would be heartbroken if I cut them off totally, but should I?
Should I just consider them friends for small emergencies, but not larger ones?
-- Job-Seeking Guy
Dear Seeking: Unfortunately, people sometimes respond to this sort of personal need (employment, financial or health problems) by hiding. The reason for this likely has nothing to do with you, but more to do with the feelings and insecurities called up by your situation. Women have been socialized to use the power of the group to solve all sorts of individual needs. Men might not be quite so comfortable leaning in.
Networking is essential to finding mid-career employment. You should definitely ask (not "confront") your pals again. You might send a group email: "Hi, Guys -- I'm still engaged in my job search and am looking for leads. I'm sending up a bat signal, calling on the group to see if we could put our heads together and network. Any leads would be helpful. I'd really appreciate brainstorming with all of you and wonder if we could get together for a session, maybe Saturday morning for coffee? Any and all ideas would be welcome. Thank you all for being supportive friends over the years. I'd be very grateful for your feedback and ideas, now."
Also, make sure to network outside this circle. Look for business networking events in your area. And if you don't find a networking group, use social media to start one!
Dear Amy: Several months ago, we gladly accepted a "Save the Date" to a cousin's wedding, located in a city we were looking forward to seeing for the first time. We decided to plan a multi-day visit to the city.
As it turns out, we are not invited to the rehearsal dinner, and there are no get-togethers planned for out-of-town guests. The wedding venue is a substantial distance from the city.
This is beginning to feel like a burden, and I am torn between the large expenditure of a weeklong trip whose main purpose was a family celebration, or sparing myself the mounting resentment and sending a large check or nice gift to the couple instead.
Suit ourselves? Or suit up and show up? Family is important to us and no one's under any obligation to entertain us. It just feels like this is not a good choice in any direction.
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