Mother's legacy is estrangement, and some cash
I don't mind taking on the burden of "the guy who can't commit" when acquaintances ask why we aren't married yet, but what would you recommend I say to these people who don't know the whole story?
-- Non-Committer
Dear Non-Committer: Being asked a deeply personal question doesn't mean that you need to answer it. At all. You could respond honestly and perhaps also send a message about your boundaries, simply by saying: "That's a very personal question, don't you think?" If people press, you can say, "We're both making choices that are best for us right now. It's really that simple."
Dear Amy: "Proudly Named" wanted her former sister-in-law to drop her married name after her husband had dumped her. To do this, she would have to legally change her name, IDs and many other forms of personal identity.
Let her keep the name as the price of marriage admission and hassle.
What if she refused to change her name in the beginning of the marriage? Then we would be having a different conversation.
-- Dan
Dear Dan: I've never been tempted to take another person's surname, but many women (including my mother) have made this choice. In Western culture, surnaming seems to be inherently patriarchal.
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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: ASKAMY@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)
