ArcaMax

You didn't protect your son adequately when he was an adolescent. And many years later -- after you knew better and were more emotionally stable -- you couldn't protect him from the accident that claimed his life.

You have to ask yourself: What purpose does my behavior serve?" You need to try to decode whether Googling "Carl" is triggering -- or soothing. You feel worse after you do this. Does feeling worse serve any purpose for you?

You also need to ask yourself this very tough question: Would my son want me to review and remember the worst part of his life on an endless loop? How does this serve his memory?

Yes, you should communicate with your husband. During a quiet moment, sit down with him and start by saying, "I'm looking for comfort, not judgment or advice, here. I want to talk about this. Can you hold my hand, and just listen?"

Dear Amy: I live in snowy Michigan. My house is one of four whose mailboxes are grouped together. Although I am by far the oldest of the occupants, I am the only one who ever clears the snow from in front of the mailboxes so the mail carrier can deliver our mail.

One of the homeowners even owns a snowplow, but even he doesn't take the initiative.

Do you have any suggestions on how I can encourage the other mailbox owners to help with clearing the snow in front of our mailboxes without alienating them?

I had thought about filling their mailboxes with snow, which I thought would get the point across. However, that would probably be illegal.

-- Stressed-Out Snow Shoveler

Dear Stressed-Out: This is from postalinspectors.uspis.gov: "Mailboxes are considered federal property, and federal law (Title 18, United States Code, Section 1705), makes it a crime to vandalize them (or to injure, deface or destroy any mail deposited in them). Violators can be fined up to $250,000, or imprisoned for up to three years, for each act of vandalism." Don't fill them with snow.

My neighborhood has a handy-dandy email listserv, where neighbors can post notices or requests for help. If yours has a listserv or Facebook page, you could post a general request for help. And here's the thing: When you ask for help, people have a tendency to step up.

Otherwise, you should contact your neighbors directly (perhaps by note) to say, "It's been a long winter. I've been working pretty hard to keep access to the mailboxes shoveled out. It would be great if we neighbors could trade off taking care of this chore."

Dear Amy: I am an alcoholic in recovery. I want to thank you for your compassion toward alcoholics and addicts. When I read your words, I assume you've been here.

-- Recovering

Dear Recovering: Thank you so much. I don't have to personally experience something in order to try to understand it deeply. I've definitely got my share of challenges; fortunately, I seem to have been spared the burden of addiction.

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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: ASKAMY@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)