ArcaMax

Dear Amy: We have a kiddo (just turned 9 years old), who is not a fan of physical contact with people other than his dad and me.

My family, a gregarious set of huggers, absolutely does not understand this.

My sister and my step-mom are the biggest problem, as they both think that wrestling him into some sort of a half-head hug is completely acceptable, even though he has done an admittedly admirable job of telling them that he would prefer a high five or a fist bump.

How do we, as his parents, make them understand that this preference is not about them, or their love-ability, but about him as a separate human being that just doesn't appreciate this kind of physical contact?

I'm a hugger too, but I am at a loss to make them understand that they need to respect his wishes, even though he is still a youngster. Any thoughts or advice is much appreciated.

-- Vicariously Misunderstood in Denver

Dear Misunderstood: Although I have never met a 9-year-old boy who actually enjoyed being hugged by anyone other than his parents, your family members don't seem willing to understand or accept this fairly common aversion.

But -- even if they don't understand it, they should still respect it. He is a child and he has the right to express his preference. He has quite admirably tried to communicate his preference, and has offered alternatives.

Spinning this scenario somewhat beyond what some might think is its rational conclusion, I believe that this is really about consent.

Perhaps these women in your family will understand your point if you put it this way: "When you ignore 'Buddy's' wishes not to be hugged, what you are really telling him is that it doesn't matter if someone else says 'no.' If you feel like touching them or wrestling them into a hug, you should just go ahead and do it. This is not an appropriate message to give to a boy who is interested in creating and respecting boundaries. So ... please stop it. He loves you. He just doesn't want to be handled."

Dear Amy: Thank you for running the question from "Puzzled," who brought up the subject of young people calling their parents by their first names. I got a kick out of the people you quoted in your answer and agree with you (and others) that this is basically a sign of disrespect.

I went through a phase of doing this, and my dad put his foot down. I'll never forget what he said: "Anyone can be called by their first names, but only we get to be called 'Mom' and 'Dad'. We're proud of that, and I think we've earned it." He ignored the few other times I did it -- getting it out of my system, perhaps.

-- Missing my Dad

Dear Missing: "Dad" was wise and patient. I can see why you miss him.

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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: ASKAMY@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)