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Demisexual wonders how to leave the friend zone

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Demi: Demisexuality is more than merely being "old-fashioned" and courting for long periods before having sex; a demisexual person simply does not feel attraction until after a strong emotional bond has formed.

This eliminates that butterfly-fluttery feeling many people experience quickly, and which can accelerate an emotional bond.

Demisexuality presents the challenge of never feeling any sexual feelings at all until you've experienced many months of platonic friendship; some potential partners will have already moved firmly into the friend zone, and many truly platonic friends would be confused if you expressed sexual interest in them after the friendship is understood to be solidly nonsexual.

Because you are already in therapy, you could ask your therapist about sex therapy. You clearly want to feel sexual and to be sexual. There may be ways you can feel sexual without -- or before -- finding a partner, and with someone you already have a strong emotional bond with. (I'm talking about you!)

Yes, if you meet someone in a "romantic" or dating context, then you should be honest about this. I see this as a third date conversation. The right person will give you the time you need.

Dear Amy: For Christmas I decided to open custodial savings accounts for my four grandchildren, as well as whole life insurance policies. I also bought gifts for them (ages 1 through 7) to open and play with. My oldest son was OK with these for his kids. My youngest son was upset that his name wasn't on the account so he could have access to what was in it for his kids. The bank required their Social Security number to open the accounts. He accused me of being untrustworthy. He said if I didn't add his (and his wife's) name on the account, he would sue me! WHAAAT?

I was creating these custodial accounts to be able to add money to be used for their college educations!

I am devastated. Today I closed his kids' accounts and moved my money to the other grandkids' accounts. What do you think of this?

-- In Shock

 

Dear In Shock: I hope you are receiving competent advice from a professional financial planner.

I think your son doesn't want you to handle this in your own way. He has made a choice, followed up with a rude threat, and now he can bear the consequences. Continue to try to maintain relationships with these grandchildren.

Dear Amy: I'm responding to "Spouse in the Dark," who wondered if she should go to memorial services that her (much older) husband attends.

I've been married for over 30 years, and I have accompanied my spouse to many services for people I'd never met. I never asked, nor waited for an invitation from him. Depending on his relationship with the departed, I'd decide if I needed to accompany him. I was there to support my husband.

-- Supportive Spouse

Dear Supportive: Witnessing is powerful work.

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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: ASKAMY@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)


 

 

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