After marriage and baby, friend wants his pal back
Three months ago, I separated from my partner of 17 years. We were planning to marry in a few months.
We had a huge argument and we both said things to hurt one another.
The one thing he said that is unforgivable was that he "used me" during our time together. I left my home immediately and moved to another state to live with my only child and grandson.
I no longer take meds for anxiety or smoke as much as I did when we were together. While in this relationship, I was emotionally, physically and verbally abused.
Please help me make sense of my life! I am 62, physically disabled and financially stable.
What do I do now?
-- Alone
Dear Alone: Leaving a longstanding relationship is very challenging -- even when the relationship is toxic, because sometimes the devil you know can seem preferable to the uncertainty of being on your own. It's the way we humans are wired.
The stress of being in this unhealthy relationship has taken a toll on you. As hard as it was to leave, your behavior has already changed and your health will improve. What you should do now is to give yourself time to heal. Enjoy your family. Volunteer, if you are able. And engage in the slow but satisfying work of remaking your life.
Dear Amy: "Parents in Despair" had an out-of-control teen on their hands.
My husband and I struggled with this exact problem. Our son was so violent that we had to move him out of our home.
But we didn't give up on him. Amy, he's doing much better now.
I want these parents to know that there is hope for them.
-- Working On It
Dear Working: When you're in the parenting trenches, not giving up is a heavy lift. Good for you.
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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: Askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)
