ArcaMax

I want my family and would give up sex altogether to have her back. I was emotionally fragile and lonely when it happened. It was awful. I'm dying to get advice. I swear I'm not a damn monster I'm just hurting. We are still separated and I'm desperate for advice.

-- Guilty Husband

Dear Guilty: You and your wife both claim to be depressed. You are also dissociated, detached (pick your adjective) and spinning out in your separate orbits. Your wife does not want to be intimate with you, and although you claim to have made major efforts to please her, it hasn't worked. The root for both of you seems to be in the way you connect or communicate. Mainly, you don't.

You each need counseling, and you also need couples counseling.

You, for instance, don't seem to have been able to handle having an intimate conversation with an acquaintance without acting out sexually. You should see this somewhat disastrous and unsatisfying sexual encounter as a wake-up call to seek out the help of a professional. I agree that you should not tell your wife about this until you have a better handle on who you are, what you want and where you fit into your family system. A good counselor will provide you with tools and coaching.

Dear Amy: I am a grandma with a large and ever-growing family.

I have six children with spouses, 12 grandchildren with extras and two great-grandchildren.

None of us are poor but numbers are increasing, so we all come to Christmas together at a home where we can spread out.

Last Christmas we decided to exchange gifts of not more than $10, and for each of us to contribute only one gift.

We stockpiled the gifts and then picked a number for order of choice, and then the fun began.

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