Ex-husband keeps his former wife on the hook for money
-- Upset Ex
Dear Upset: You are kind and compassionate -- that much is obvious. But other than delaying your ex's spiral for a few weeks or months, what are you really doing for him? You describe this as "torment." When you give in to his demands, you are really soothing your own anxiety, and trying to tamp down the torment. But you can't.
"Bart" has trained you to comply when he emotionally manipulates you. Every time he succeeds, he feels better and you feel worse. Bart needs to be told that he has run out of options.
A social worker might be able to help him find affordable housing and some financial services and advice. He could start with the local Office for the Aging. Pass along the phone number -- do not do the work for him.
If you are at risk of emotional and financial exhaustion, then -- yes -- close and bolt the door, and block him from contacting you. Taking care of yourself means that you may have to say a firm and steadfast, "No. Not this time. I'm done."
Dear Amy: I'm a widow and retired.
I keep myself busy with physical activities, volunteering and helping family and friends. I'm in great health with a normal BMI, and do not look my chronological age.
My issue is dating. I've had some nice men around my age take me out, but I declined the second date, knowing they are not who I want to be with or who I would introduce to my grown children.
At my age, I don't want to waste my time or theirs.
My last date, who was a little rough around the edges, talked a great talk, stated all the things we had in common (which were a lot), and why we were a good fit for lifetime companions.
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