Mother's affair with exchange student shocks child
My mom and I used to talk once a week. I haven't spoken to her in six months.
Do you have any advice for me for how to move forward?
-- Still in Shock
Dear Still in Shock: Of course your mother's feelings for this boy were "strong!" Having strong feelings does not justify her behavior.
Because she was his guardian, with all legal parental control over him until he turned 18, what your mother did was creepy, wrong and possibly illegal. And regardless of the legality, her actions also seem to have directly led to the breakup of your family.
Your mother's former lover may have contacted you because he is having his #MeToo moment. Perhaps he is trying to take responsibility for the impact of his own behavior, while also grappling with the impact of your mother's behavior on his own life.
Do you think a foreign student who was basically in a powerless situation -- legally and physically -- was able to fully consent, even if he was 18 when the actual sexual relationship started? Or does this man believe that he manipulated and used your mother? (It's a possibility.)
Don't let your mother's normalizing or denial negate your own natural reaction.
Yes, communicate with her. Be honest about your conflicted feelings. But your biggest job is to find a way to accept the truth and to cope with it. A therapist could help.
Dear Amy: I'm recently divorced. I have a longtime friend who is currently going through legal proceedings to end his common-law relationship.
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