Dad's feelings are hurt when kids seek bio family
-- Loving Children
Dear Loving: You should start by removing the quotation marks from your "Dad's" status. The man who adopted you IS your father. He is legally, ethically and emotionally your father.
The so-called "Dad" in your life is the biological father who abandoned you and who refuses to see you.
You and your brother should sit down with both of your parents -- in person -- and be as honest, loving and respectful as you can possibly be. Tell your dad, "You are our dad, and you always will be. You will always come first for us. We know it is hard on you when we visit our biological family. Would you rather that we just never talk about it? We want to be honest with you. We don't want to hide what we're doing, but if that's what you want us to do, we'll try."
If he responds that he doesn't want you to see these other family members at all, you will have to tell him that this is off the table. You are adults, and you have the right to explore your biological roots, and to form your own relationships.
Dear Amy: When I entertain guests in my home, no one lifts a finger, and that's the way I like it. I never ask people to bring food. Everyone enjoys a kitchen-free night.
All too frequently, I am invited to dinner at someone's home, only to find out after accepting the invitation that it is a so-called potluck, and that everyone must bring a dish.
I loathe this bait and switch, especially if I am assigned a particular course.
How do I gracefully decline the invitation after discovering I am partially catering the affair against my will?
-- Anti-Potluck Guy
...continued
