ArcaMax

-- Dazed and Confused

Dear Dazed and Confused: Your middle-aged brother seems to be dating in middle school. The good news is that you don't have to do anything about it. You don't need to respond to your brother's strange behavior; you don't need to invest, or divest, in his on-or-off girlfriend. You don't need to provide shelter, money or advice.

You should carry on, living your own life. The only thing you really need to do is to treat your brother's choices and declarations with the appropriate amount of skepticism. Assume that he will be bouncing around until he gets his act together, and hope that he does.

In terms of "Kelly," you should apply the Three-Thanksgiving rule. She may or may not be in his life, and if she is and you finally meet her, you need only be polite and respectful. No relationship investment is necessary until they settle down and show up for three Thanksgivings in a row. After polite conversation at three Thanksgivings, you should assume that she will be around for a while, and build your relationship from there.

Don't let your brother gaslight or guilt you into believing that your own behavior is in question, because it's not.

Dear Amy: I have an unusual name. I have to spell or pronounce it (or both) on just about a daily basis as I interact with lots of new people via my job.

You would think that I would know what to do about people who mispronounce the name that I've had for over 40 years, but I don't!

Specifically, what should I do about acquaintances and (so-called) friends of several years who say my name wrong?

After the first two times of correcting people, I get stumped. Are they just stupid? Are they gaslighting me?

I cannot think of a polite way of saying, "Oh, my God! I've told you three times how to pronounce my name! What is wrong with you?!"

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