ArcaMax

Dear Wondering: I don't think you are quite as happily married as you might think. Or rather, your husband is not as happily married as he might think.

You don't mention the source or ownership of the funds you are giving to this man, but in most marriages, if a spouse secretly gives (or "lends") substantial sums of money, it is considered at the very least to be a casual violation of their vows. Your secrecy and financial and emotional attachment to another man are definitely a violation of those vows.

I hope you will try to protect yourself and write down these loan agreements and insist that he sign an agreement, including a guarantee to repay (and a date for repayment).

And prepare to kiss that money goodbye (because I'm fairly confident that you will never see it again).

Also ask yourself: if your husband became emotionally entangled with someone and chose to give them money without your knowledge, wouldn't you consider this to be outrageous and a threat to your relationship?

My feedback is that your behavior is buying you a lot of trouble.

Dear Amy: "Want Them Back" was missing her parents, who were prioritizing the needs of their elder parents over their own grandchildren.

I disagree with you calling this person "selfish and self-centered."

My spouse and I managed to see our grandkids while we were taking on eldercare. It can be done.

-- Been There

Dear Been There: The writer's mother was overwhelmed by taking care of her 95-year-old father; her daughter was adding extra demands.

You should feel compassion toward someone who doesn't have your expansive capacity.

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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)