Unwanted kiss from father's friend comes up 15 years later
Try to prepare yourself for any response from him across a wide spectrum (including no response). He might apologize to you, but he is just as likely to deny the entire episode, shame you or blame you for contacting him now.
After you confront him, then you should talk to your father about it, if you feel the need, or if you think his knowing about this serves the greater good. Knowing this might answer some questions about your behavior -- or his friend's behavior -- from that time. It would also give him the opportunity to comfort you. Understand that he might also choose to confront this person, and/or end the friendship. He might also choose to continue in the friendship -- and you should prepare yourself for that.
Dear Amy: I have a goddaughter; I'm very involved in her life. She is 9 years old and dances, plays soccer and is active in Girl Scouts.
I love her dearly and support her by going to many activities and spending time with the family.
My problem comes with her mother, the school and the extracurricular activities
Every other week I get a message that she is selling something else to raise money for another event, costume or trip.
Amy, these "gifts" are not cheap. I have offered to donate the cash to her, but she says she can't take it. Her mother complains that it defeats the purpose of the fundraiser. But I don't need another candle, wreath or more wrapping paper.
Should I just be quiet and buy the things she sells, or should I try to offer the money in some other way?
-- No Fun in Fundraising
Dear No Fun: Your reaction to these fundraisers can teach your goddaughter about selling, buying and budgeting. You should decide which one or two of these fundraisers you want to purchase from. Don't blame your goddaughter for asking, but do show her that you can deliver a polite but firm no: "Looks good, but I don't need that, so I'm going to say no. Hit me up for some Thin Mints later, though, OK?"
Dear Amy: "Gammy" had two granddaughters who filched an item of jewelry from her house. Thank you for advocating for these girls to take responsibility and apologize. And then to close the book on it!
When I was about 12, I also took something from my grandmother. I couldn't even explain why I did it. It was a crazy impulse.
I'm still embarrassed about it. But my grandmother lovingly, patiently and privately (!) accepted my apology, and forgave me. She never mentioned it again.
-- Grateful Granddaughter
Dear Grateful: Smart woman.
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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)
