ArcaMax

Dear Excluded: There are ample examples of people of all faiths refusing to attend weddings or other religious ceremonies, for a variety of reasons. The list justifying this exclusion for Catholics is several items long. And even if there are actual religious reasons or justifications for refusing to witness this marriage, declaring this seems less about living out one's values, and more about shunning people.

This behavior is always about the person doing the excluding, and not about the people being excluded.

It would have been very easy for your husband's nephew to simply send his regrets regarding this wedding ceremony. Instead, he put the word out that he is actually rejecting their marriage.

There are natural consequences to excluding family members. One consequence is for family members to want to retaliate, or behave as he has. But should you? No.

You should be honest: "We heard from your father why you refused to attend your cousin's wedding, and we want you to know that we are upset." That's it. There is some likelihood that he won't care in the slightest how you feel.

Dear Amy: My mom has known her best friend "Maxine" for over 30 years.

Even though Mom and Maxine work similar jobs with similar pay, Maxine is financially comfortable due to a family inheritance, while Mom struggles to make ends meet because of poor financial decisions and no planning.

Whenever the two of them go out to eat or to a movie, Mom always expects Maxine to pay for the both of them. Mom says this is because, since Maxine is the one with plenty of money, she should be the one who generously pays for everything. Maxine usually does pay, and Mom never returns the favor.

I've told Mom that it's not right to expect Maxine to always pay. Mom says that I just don't understand how it works. I disagree.

Of course, Maxine can be generous with her money if she likes, but I think it's presumptuous and rude of Mom to treat Maxine like an ATM just because she has more money. What do you think?

...continued