Social media makes family members less social
My sister says I've already begun the grieving process.
Are there things I can do to prepare myself for a loss of this magnitude? I feel emotionally exhausted by the looming fear.
-- Already Grieving
Dear Grieving: I'm so sorry you are going through this.
My own experience with grief was that, like your sister, I thought I could "pre-grieve" before my own loss was complete.
I was wrong. Grief hits everyone differently; it envelops some people in rolling waves, while others walk the path in more predictable ways.
My main suggestion is that you deliberately shelve your grief for later, and do your very best to LIVE NOW. As your husband experiences his illness, you should look -- and treasure -- tiny moments of togetherness. Write love letters to one another. Look at photo albums. Listen to the pop hits of your youth. Walk toward this uncertain horizon together, hand in hand, even if you are strolling in the hospital ward, pulling an IV pole alongside you.
Regret amplifies grief. Don't add this burden to your loss. Live and love now. Grieve later.
Dear Amy: I was amused by the letter from "Wondering," the man who wanted to know how to tell potential romantic partners that he lived with his parents.
When I met my husband, he coyly described his living situation as being a "caretaker for a retired couple." We had a laugh when he came clean later: he lived in his parents' basement!
Though it wasn't ideal, it wasn't forever. And I developed a special relationship with his parents in the meantime!
-- Basement Betty
Dear Betty: No wonder you married him; this is genius-level wit.
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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)
