Mom's plans to be a landlord end in tears
You cannot control your mother's shifting narrative, any more than you could control her shifting deal-making. Assume that she will not acknowledge or apologize for her role in this mess.
You can try to turn the page on this sorry affair by saying (to yourself, and to her), "I sincerely believe that you were trying to help. I appreciate your intentions, even though things didn't work out." After that, you should decline to discuss it, unless it is to accept her apology.
If she doesn't accept this extremely generous take on things, then keeping your distance seems appropriate.
Dear Amy: The following has happened to me twice, recently: I was chatting with a friend, "George," and mentioned that my husband and I were having dinner with mutual friends.
George said, "Great, I've been wanting to get together with them. Do you mind if I crash your dinner party?"
I didn't want him there because George tends to dominate the conversation whenever he joins the group, making it challenging to catch up with others at the table.
How does one tactfully and kindly decline such a request? Any suggestions would be appreciated.
-- Hungry, but not for Company
Dear Hungry: I don't think it's necessary to be tactful when dealing with "George." George sounds like the kind of guy to read "tact" as passivity, encouraging him to stomp on in, pull up a chair and hold forth.
He says, "Do you mind if I crash your dinner party?"
And you say, "Ha-ha, George, you crack me up. Yes, I definitely would mind. But let's plan something with all of us for another time."
Dear Amy: I would like to add one suggestion to your answer to "Unhappy Camper in Florida." Unhappy was upset because her husband had been "found" by a 50-year-old biological daughter he never knew he had!
She should consult with a lawyer and a financial adviser regarding the new changes in her life. If her husband dies before her, what will be the consequences?
-- Faithful Reader
Dear Reader: A biological child does not automatically receive money from an estate upon a parent's death, but I agree with you that this couple should definitely do some estate planning.
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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)
