Widower wants ex-wife to be his caregiver
-- Searching
Dear Searching: The grieving process is different for everyone, but everything about your situation seems accelerated. This could be because you are panicking, or simply feel like you don't have a lot of time to spend figuring out this next phase of your life. Your experience witnessing your late wife's needs and caregiving requirements could be influencing you now.
Please understand that, no matter what you are going through (grief or no), your late wife's children are grieving. Treat them with understanding and compassion. But you must ultimately do what you believe is best for you.
If there are questions about inheritance, review your affairs and -- if you want to -- perhaps make arrangements to give your stepchildren their inheritance, or a share from their late-mother's estate, now.
My main question is why an 82-year-old woman would be eager to devote her remaining golden years to providing "24/7" care for her ex-husband? But your ex-wife is an adult, and presuming she is of sound mind, she should also do what she wants to do.
Some questions are: Will she be compensated for the care she is providing? What will you do when/if she gets sick and can't provide the care you want/require/expect?
You, she and your children should think this through very carefully and make sure that her rights and needs are acknowledged and protected, in writing.
A social worker with expertise in dealing with elder issues could help you to mediate the various constituencies, and provide you with additional resources.
Dear Amy: I am expecting my first child. My partner and I are so excited. My question is about the upcoming baby shower.
I can't decide if I should create and send out a "baby registry" so that guests can purchase pre-selected gifts for me from a list. Of course, I would appreciate any gift, whether or not it is from my registry.
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