ArcaMax

Strangely, you seem to worry more about offending your neighbors by challenging their lofty notions of themselves than you do about the risk posed to your friend if he walks through your neighborhood alone.

I have two suggestions: Challenge your neighbors out loud to actually let a black man -- any black man -- walk through the neighborhood unchallenged, not because he is your special guest, but because he is a human being walking down a sidewalk.

Also, be completely honest with your friend about the kind of community he would be visiting, and the physical or psychological annoyance (or worse) he could face, simply by being there.

Dear Amy: Last weekend, my sister and I (who both live out of state with our young families) surprised my parents and one of my sisters with a visit to our hometown.

After the weekend was over, one of my father's sisters sent a private message stating how disappointed she was to be left out. She said we should also travel to see her when we're in our home state.

Between them, my parents my eight siblings! We try to see them at large family events (Christmas) when we can see everyone at the same time, but frankly our time is precious, and this isn't how I want to use it.

I feel like this violates boundaries, which my own parents struggle to respect.

I want to respond to her letting her know I acknowledge her feelings, but the family is too large to accommodate these types of requests. Do you agree? It is also possible her late-night message was written under the influence.

-- Guilt Trip in WI

Dear Guilt Trip: You don't state the wording your aunt used, but from your reporting, here's how I interpret her message: "I miss you! I'm so sorry I didn't get to see you! I wish you had also traveled to see me."

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