ArcaMax

Dear Amy: I have a history of attracting unkind, angry men. I had recently come off a two-year break from dating, when my mom's neighbor asked me out. He is about my age, and my mom liked him. He seemed like a nice guy, so I took a chance.

I think he had been drinking before he picked me up. He brought me to a bar and started touching me and trying to kiss me. He also insisted that I drink more -- and faster. He seemed to get angry that I wasn't drinking fast enough.

I looked him in the eyes and asked him to please stop, because it made me uncomfortable. He didn't stop.

We then left to go to another bar where we both drank more until the bartender cut him off. I was eternally grateful because I didn't know how to get away. I thought about taking a cab but I don't know the area, and was scared. I thought of Uber or Lyft, but it was late and a holiday. My mom can't drive at night, and was already asleep.

Afterward, we went back to my mom's house and fooled around. He left in the middle of the night. I felt guilty and told myself it was my fault.

What exactly do you do when speaking up and saying no isn't enough? How do we protect ourselves from these predators who won't listen?

I'm so scared I'll be beaten or killed, that I end up allowing men to just do what they want. It's wearing my soul down, and I deserve better.

How can I handle this?

-- Heartsick

Dear Heartsick: You used your voice. Good for you. But never, ever, go with a drunk to the second location. What I mean is -- when a drunken lout makes you uncomfortable physically, that's when you excuse yourself, get the bartender's attention and ask for help. You say, "I came here with this guy, but now I'm scared. Can you help me?" (The Good Night Out Campaign -- goodnightcampaign.org -- trains bartenders and servers for how to intervene when customers are being harassed.)

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