ArcaMax

Dear Mama Bear: I'm wondering why you and your son felt the need to disclose his sexuality to your homophobic sister. Do straight 16-year-olds need to declare their sexuality to family members?

I suggest that the time for you to "protect" him might have been before this disclosure, by emphasizing to him that if he didn't feel ready to disclose this, he shouldn't have you do it.

Furthermore, you upped the ante by "uninviting" your sister and her kids to a family event you were hosting, because now she gets to focus on your behavior, instead of her own. You should have maintained that she is welcome to come to your house, but that she doesn't get to dictate who the other guests might be. Your sister is not in charge of your party.

Now that you and your son have given your sister control over your personal lives, you should pull back from discussing it, and carry on being yourselves. If you want to spend time with her and her children, then invite them to do things with you and show an interest in seeing them. If she refuses, understand that she will simply have to get over herself.

If your sister has the gall to ask your son not to be gay in front of her children, you could ask her in return to stop spewing prejudice and hate in front of yours.

Dear Amy: I have been incredibly happy with my boyfriend of 18 months. He is amazing.

The issue lies when there is drinking involved. He gets aggressive quickly, and so will I (to cope with his actions). He points out things from our past that shouldn't have any bearing on our relationship now.

It has now gotten to the point where, despite how much I love him, I cannot stick around for more of this. We have decided we must be apart in order to heal.

I wonder if there is any room for change?

I would be open for couples counseling or something that will help us to salvage our relationship, but I simply don't know if that will be enough to change him.

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