Wronged wife blames the cellphone
At this point, I can only say to women (and men), that if you CAN'T see, touch or use your spouse's cellphone, there's probably something on it that he/she doesn't want you to see.
My husband would not have been able to "hide" this relationship without the cellphone. I am so embarrassed and saddened that my marriage is over.
I would love to know what other people have done when confronted with this.
-- Devastated Wife
Dear Devastated: I think your reasoning may be faulty. Your husband's cellphone use is what concealed, but eventually revealed, his affair. Don't blame the phone; blame the guy using the phone.
In the days before cellphones, the clandestine method of communicating with an affair partner would have been landlines, and before that, the printed letter, etchings, stone carvings and smoke signals. People got caught then, too.
You blaming cellphones for your husband's behavior is a classic "shoot the messenger" reaction.
All the same, this sort of misdirection is common during the early, bewildering days after an affair has been discovered. I hope that you and your husband can communicate about his choices, as well as talk about your relationship. Your marriage might recover from this, if you are both willing to try.
I do agree on an important point: If a partner is hiding their cellphone and won't reveal who a call or text message is from, that is a red flag.
Dear Amy: Good manners are as important as ever, especially in these complicated times.
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