Mother is perennially disappointed in adult son's choices
-- Devoted
Dear Devoted: Get yourself to an Al-anon meeting (check Al-anon.org for a local place and time).
Al-anon meetings consist of people who are worried about and affected by a loved-one's alcohol (or other substance) use or abuse.
You seem invested in a fairly specific version of the success you envision for your son. You have decided that he is a failure. He is 31 years old, and yet you also seem ready to write him off.
Some loved-ones contribute to an addict's problems by being in denial. You seem to be doing the opposite.
Understand that your own anxiety and reactions affect him. If he is depressed, then your judgment and disappointment will not help him.
Forget about well-paying jobs. The world is full of worthy people who don't have well-paying jobs.
You need to learn the art of loving detachment. This is especially tough for single parents, who have sacrificed and invested so much. A version of this for you might be for you to repeat this mantra (to yourself): "I love you, but I'm not you. I'm in your corner and always hoping for the best. I'm powerless over your drinking, but I'll continue to hope that you will embrace sobriety."
That's it. Shed your disappointment -- make a choice to put it aside. Walk your own path one day at a time.
Dear Amy: My boss's boss is great. We work together frequently, and I genuinely like the guy.
...continued
