ArcaMax

Dear Amy: I have two children in their 40s. I divorced their dad several years ago. My daughter does not want me in her life. I think she holds me entirely responsible for the divorce, but I don't really know. I have never had the opportunity to tell my side of the story, and part of me feels that dirty laundry just needs to be "kept in a corner" because at the end of the day, my ex is still their father.

My children were grown before I decided that I needed a life. I did not leave for another person. I left because the marriage was just not healthy. I left for my own mental health.

I send my daughter cards, money and gifts for holidays. She never thanks me. I get nothing for my birthday, Christmas, Mother's Day -- not even a text.

I am not looking for gifts, I just want some contact.

I have a great relationship with my son. We have talked honestly about the past, and he seems to understand.

For my daughter, I cannot fix what I don't know is broken.

I am torn between trying to keep the lines of communication open and simply shutting this door. While I am getting some emotional support via therapy, it still hurts and it always will.

What do you suggest? While I would never shut the door on my child, the continual silent treatment keeps me in a spin.

Do I continue with the gifts/cards, or just let it all go, in hopes that someday, maybe before I die, she will come around?

-- Sleepless and Hopeless

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