Family grabs credit for younger generation's achievements
Dear Amy: Can you resolve a family debate? Whenever my niece or nephew (they are my brother's kids) do something great (get into a top college, win a scholarship, look beautiful in a picture, become the top football scorer) my dad and my sisters and I all say something to them like, "You got that from our side of the family" or "You got that from me," or "You are smart because of us."
We say this to show them how proud we are of them.
I have heard (third-hand) that my niece thinks that we are jerks because her mom "makes more money and is more educated than all four of her aunts put together."
Is what we have been saying wrong? Doesn't she owe us all an apology?
My brother is the only one of us with children, so we like to see some of ourselves in his kids.
What is wrong with that?
-- Wondering
Dear Wondering: Not having children shouldn't make you so dense regarding what is wrong with what you are doing, which is to basically claim another person's success as (partly) your own.
Many of us will reflexively make comments like: "You get your smarts (or looks, shiny hair, or spunk) from MY side of the family..." but these comments should always be delivered with an obvious wink and a nod -- and a clear understanding that you are joshing.
When you and your family members always respond this way to your niece and nephew, this is what they hear: "You wouldn't have achieved this without the wonderful qualities you've inherited from me."
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