It's a snowball fight, not 'The Untouchables'
The appropriate response when you're playing is to retaliate with the same "weapon" that was used in play. In soccer, for instance, you kick a ball -- not throw your fist -- at your opponent.
In short, this is a snowball fight, not "The Untouchables."
If you relate this snowball story to an adult, and the adult commends your son for hitting another child, you should ask, innocently, "Do you really think it is right for one child to punch another in the face? Because we're teaching our son otherwise."
If you equate telling a young child to go to an adult with a problem with being a "tattletale," then you should rethink your own equivalencies. Your message to your children should be that they can -- and should -- ALWAYS come to an adult when they have a dilemma, problem or hurt.
Dear Amy: My 11-year-old nephew was staying with my family (out of town) during his spring break.
Two days into the visit, his mother (my sister) was upset that he hadn't called her the night before and she couldn't reach us the next morning, while we were at a museum with no cell service.
I had him call her as soon as we left, but I made the mistake of joking about him not wanting to call her. Her response quickly escalated. She yelled at him, claiming he was deliberately ignoring her, even though it was my phone.
When I tried to speak with her privately, she then decided to come and get him that same night because I questioned her parenting.
My nephew did nothing wrong and my husband and I are at a loss for how her emotional insecurity grew so quickly that she took such action against her son.
We fear that we won't be able to have him, or his sisters, visit again. How do we move forward after such extreme retaliation was taken out on our nephew for no reason?
-- Disappointed Aunt
Dear Aunt: First rule: Don't mess with a parent who is separated from her son. Your motivation was to joke with her, and yes -- she definitely overreacted. She clearly is not ready to part with her child and entrust him completely to your care.
Apologize to her for your role in this miscommunication, and urge her to move forward from this unfortunate episode.
Dear Readers: I still receive, read and appreciate "Ask Amy" postal mail. I have a new postal address which some newspapers haven't yet posted, so I am noting it here. People wanting to write to me can address mail to "Ask Amy" PO Box 194, Freeville, NY, 13068.
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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)
