Mom says she is surrounded by disrespect
I see my son putting off important things and distancing himself from his friends because of her.
Yes, I know I should have pretended to like her, but her initial disrespect was too much for me to ignore. I couldn't pretend that it didn't bother me.
How can I fix this situation?
-- Anxious Mother
Dear Anxious: Rather than blame every action on your son's girlfriend, you should urge him to take responsibility for his own actions. They are quite obviously sexually active, and birth control should be at the top of your list of concerns. If they become parents, they will be locked into a relationship together, and if their relationship is not a healthy one (as you claim), this would have a tremendous impact on both families.
Some of your son's behavior is fairly typical of an intense first love: Ignoring family and friends in favor of the love relationship, trying everything possible to be alone with the person and defending the loved one against criticism or (perceived) disrespect.
So far, you have done just about everything wrong -- you have not been able to even fake having an open mind long enough to get to know her. You have put the couple on the defensive. You have made their immature behavior all about you. You have drawn a line in the sand and they are (quite happily) at the beach.
Your son is a legal adult. You should shelve your harsh judgment about this relationship (for now), get to know this girl and her parents as well as you can, take this relationship extremely seriously and behave toward them as if they are a "couple."
Dear Amy: This is my second marriage. I owned my home before we got married.
My wife and I split expenses 60/40, based on our incomes.
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