ArcaMax

In addition to the injuries (such as happened at your house), drinking can cause violence, unwanted or unintended sexual activity, destruction of property and violations of trust and friendships.

Unfortunately, your toughest job is still ahead. You must tell your parents about this. Your brother's choice could have cost your family everything. They should never leave you two home alone overnight again. -- September 2013

Dear Amy: My older sister is getting married. Her fiance and his family are a very Christian conservative family. Mine is extremely liberal.

I am gay. I received an email from my sister saying that she did not think it was right for me to attend her wedding, saying they do not agree with my "lifestyle." OK, it is her special day. I am fine with her choice.

When my mother learned I wasn't invited, she was outraged.

I don't know if it is so much just my not being invited, or that my mother feels that our beliefs are not as important as the fiance's family's.

Now my family will not attend my sister's wedding, and my sister and her new fiance blame me.

What can I do to convince my family that they need to go to my sister's wedding, and also let my sister know that the real problem is that she is losing herself and that this (not my sexual orientation) is the real issue?

-- The Gay Brother

Dear Gay Brother: I can completely understand your family's choice to not attend this wedding, because denying your attendance seems to be a denial -- not only of your family's values, but of you.

Your sister and her almost in-laws are excluding you and now blaming you for the drama your exclusion is causing, as if your gayness is really getting in the way of everybody's good time.

Your graciousness is commendable. Email your sister: "I realize this is your special day. I completely accept your choice and have told other family members this. However, I feel like this choice doesn't reflect the values we were raised with. I hope you don't change your core values to suit your new family. I'll never stop being your loving brother and wish you and your fiance all the best."

Don't bother talking your mother into attending. When you're a parent, you'll understand how she feels. -- July 2014

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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)