Mom wants to run daughter's life from a distance
Turn your focus toward strategies for deflecting your mother's control and guilt, knowing how she will retaliate to any change in your behavior.
Jump the gun and email her a rough outline of how you and your family plan to spend your vacations over the next 12 months, based on what you want to do.
As a parent, you know that you don't respond to a tantrum by giving in -- you step back and let it run its course. A natural consequence for her ranting and attacking you is that you will not want to take her calls for a period of time.
Respond with statements like, "I'm sorry you're so unhappy" without assuming responsibility.
Both of you could use the help of a therapist -- she, especially, because of her extreme self-focus, rage and inability to cope with any disappointment. You should suggest it.
Dear Amy: My husband and I have been married for many years. We have grown children.
Some time ago, he created a separate email address for himself. I didn't give it much thought.
One day he left his email open on our shared computer, and I discovered its primary purpose -- to secretly communicate with another woman. She is a younger woman and happily married, so there's not a romantic relationship. However, by the tone of his messages and some of his remarks, it is obvious that he is very smitten.
I don't much mind that he is communicating with her, so much as the efforts he took to keep it secret.
I'm very hurt and will never again view my marriage -- or my husband -- in the same light.
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