Life Advice


Health & Spirit

Partner wants musician to abandon his 'childish fantasy'

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

As long as you see being with someone who treats you like a queen as "settling," and someone who wants to be a musician as a childish fantasy, you won't be able to accept his life choices, and this doesn't bode well for your long-term future.

Both of your paths are legitimate, and all that's left is a question of basic compatibility.

Dear Amy: Recently, my husband came down with the flu. During his illness, he moved into our guest bedroom, so that I could sleep without being awakened by his coughing.

My husband has always seemed to need less sleep than I, and has always gotten up at least two hours before I do (we are both retired). But he also needs a nap in the middle of the day, something I never do.

His sleep time may be shortened due to me: I have bouts of insomnia, get up two or three times a night and, even in my sleep, I do a lot of tossing and turning. I've often said that sleeping with me must be like sleeping with a cricket.

Amy, we love each other dearly. But since he's been sleeping in the guest bedroom, he is getting more and better sleep, even while ill, and so have I.

I am torn. I love sleeping in the same bed with my husband, but currently it doesn't seem to work. Sleeping in separate rooms doesn't feel right emotionally, but I'll admit I love getting a good night's sleep.

What should we do?

-- Insomniac

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Dear Insomniac: Several recent studies show how vital sleep is for a person's health. Of course, emotional closeness is also very important to your marriage.

One solution might be for you to start out together, and then for you to change beds and retire to the guest room after the first time you awaken at night. I'd welcome hearing from readers who have faced this challenge.

Dear Amy: "Active Traveler" was upset because her obese traveling companion couldn't partake of the full experiences during their international travel. And now Active was concerned because another obese friend wanted to join them!

She should bring both of these friends along on her next trip. Then the two obese women can entertain each other and Active can enjoy her own more active choices.

-- Reader

Dear Reader: "Active Traveler" was trying to maximize her own traveling experiences. Doubling down on this problem hardly seems like a solution to me.


(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: Readers may send postal mail to Amy Dickinson, c/o Tribune Content Agency, 16650 Westgrove Drive, Suite 175, Addison, Texas, 75001. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)


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