ArcaMax

You should start her stays with a family dinner. She should then be able to choose an activity to do with her father -- going out for ice cream or to a movie. You and your guy should also plan shared activities (bowling is a fun, silly way to play together).

I'd also like to recommend my friend Megan Shull's wonderful book, "Bounce" (2016, Katherine Tegan Books). In it, a 12-year-old girl "bounces" into many different family situations, learning along the way that she is secure, safe, and loved. Reading and enjoying this together could help you to bond.

Dear Amy: My son (who lives on the opposite coast) has been married for many years to a woman I would like to know better.

He is very good about keeping in touch, visiting when he can, sends photos of the grands, etc., but she never attempts to contact me or to see me when she is in this part of the country.

I like what little I know of her, and she is gracious but distant when I see her.

I have asked my son if her coolness is due to my having done something for which I need to apologize, and he assures me it is not.

I was very close to my own mother-in-law, which probably accounts for my wistfulness. Is there an appropriate and non-threatening way I can tell my dear daughter-in-law that I would like to be more engaged?

-- 84 and Holding

Dear Holding: One way try to get to know your daughter-in-law better would be for you to be in touch, and in a non-demanding way, simply indicate your wishes. You might start by sending her a letter along with some photos of your son when he was a child. Tell her, "I regret that I don't know you better, but I treasure and appreciate your relationship with my son and your wonderful children. I always love hearing how you and the kids are doing. I came across these photos of 'Dan' when he was a child and thought you and the kids would enjoy them."

Understand that your daughter-in-law might simply be a reserved person. This coolness could very well be the way she moves through the world.

Keep your contact warm, and your expectations reasonable.

Dear Amy: Thank you for your compassion for the 8-year-old boy described by his frustrated grandfather, "Pappa," who dreaded this year's family vacation with his grandson. I cringed when I read it, because I think I was a lot like that kid -- insecure, anxious, and acting-out.

I'm glad my family managed to be patient with me.

-- No Longer a Brat

Dear No Longer: Many of us taxed our family's patience as children. And many a grandparent helped to save the day.

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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Amy Dickinson, c/o Tribune Content Agency, 16650 Westgrove Drive, Suite 175, Addison, Texas, 75001. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)