Family legacy of abuse visits next generation
But you have changed. You can try to demonstrate the new you by determining not only to feel differently, but to react differently to your sister. Also, build an escape hatch into every encounter.
When you are in her presence and she starts in on you, you can say, "Well, that's my cue. I'm going to get myself another cup of coffee. Excuse me."
Dear Amy: I've recently concluded that my wife has become a negative person. I think her negativity is a reason she has not made many friends.
I recently talked to one of her longtime friends, who made the same observation, and I just learned from one of our two mid-30s children that they now find it difficult to be around their mother because of how she can turn a conversation negative.
Our sons are both positive types, and they make light of their mother's attitude (with each other).
My wife is a recently retired professional, active in the community, goal-driven, physically fit, and a creature of habit.
I'm sure this has been a long-developing situation that I've ignored, but I think it has gotten worse. I want to help my wife to understand how she is perceived, and do it in a constructive way. I'm sure anything I say will be met with a defensive reaction. Any suggestions?
-- Positive Thoughts
Dear Positive: You could start by asking your wife how she feels about her life. Listen to her answer. Tell her she seems to have fallen into a negative habit, where her reactions and responses are often negative.
Yes, I think you should tell her that your children have mentioned this, and the reason to tell her is that she might not be aware of it.
...continued
