ArcaMax

You aren't afraid of this daughter's wrath quite the same way he is.

My main advice is for you and your husband to let this 33-year-old woman live her life the way she chooses to. She sounds smart enough and functional enough to do the math and see where her choices lead her. I'm not sure why she is informing or involving you in her loan load or repayment schedule, but the message from your husband to his daughter should be, "I wish I could, but I cannot and will not help you to retire this debt."

If she is taking fun and expensive vacations and then complaining to you about her debt, then you get to say, "Well, you're making choices about the way you want to live. We want you to live your best life and to be happy. If the way you are living is good for you, then keep doing what you're doing. If not, then you're smart enough to figure out how to make different choices."

You and your husband must be on the same page regarding your own shared finances. He should not bail out any family member without your assent.

Dear Amy: I recently attended a small dinner party.

The host announced that we should all feel at home in the house. He said that if anyone wanted another drink or glass of wine, they should feel free to get it themselves. If we needed something else, we should let him know.

How do you feel about this?

-- Big Fan

Dear Fan: I think that if a host puts together a dinner party and does all of the work and preparation involved to be hospitable (increasingly rare these days), he should serve everyone their first drink and pour their first glass of wine. After that, he should make these things easily accessible so that guests can help themselves.

I believe that most guests are happy to be invited into someone's home; part of the job of being a gracious guest is to adjust to the host's style. Guests needn't be lumps, waiting to be served, but should be active and flexible -- offering to help, and occasionally helping themselves.

Dear Amy: "Battle Scarred" described herself as a millennial worker at a tech startup in Silicon Valley. She, and some other workers, suffered through regular spontaneous "Nerf" wars, where (male) co-workers would break out their Nerf toys and wage battles. She said that she had been hit by projectiles while trying to work, and that a co-worker had suffered from a scratched cornea.

You (and the tech journalist you quoted in your answer) suggested that she should go to HR.

Amy, I work in HR. I hate to tell you, but HR is here to protect the company, not the workers. This is a sad fact. She should go to her manager, and consider going to a lawyer.

-- HR Rep

Dear Rep: Several respondents expressed the same unfortunate point of view.

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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Amy Dickinson, c/o Tribune Content Agency, LLC., 16650 Westgrove Dr., Suite 175, Addison, TX 75001. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)