ArcaMax

-- Wondering Mom

Dear Wondering: You might have used age-appropriate language and concepts with your 4-year-old, but you also burdened her with knowledge she doesn't have the maturity or context to handle.

You also called her father a "mean" man, and then you sent her out into the world to be with him! How confusing for her. And -- with your one sentence -- you put her in the middle of your drama.

Children your daughter's age are just starting to understand the concept of friendships, so you could frame your situation in those terms. You could say, "Daddy and I are trying to be better friends, but for now I just want to wave to him when I say goodbye to you. The most important thing is that we are both cuckoo-bananas about you, and I'm really happy that he is such a good daddy."

There is never a need for you to tell your daughter that her father is a mean jerk. Unless he presents a danger to her, this is one case where you should not be completely factual and truthful in order to allow your daughter to form her own relationship with him. If that feels like lying to you -- then I give you permission to lie your head off. In time, she may ask more pointed questions, and -- no matter how old she is, you should be extremely circumspect in your answers.

Dear Amy: My fiance and I are getting married this summer. Well over a year ago, when we got engaged, my fiance and I told my younger sister that she would get a "plus one" to bring to the wedding.

She immediately said she was going to bring her best friend. I cautioned her at the time that she should wait to invite this friend, in case she got a serious boyfriend between then and the wedding.

Fast forward to now. My sister is in a serious relationship, and my parents are pressuring us to allow her to bring both the boyfriend and her best friend.

My parents and fiance already have a somewhat rocky relationship. This might make it worse. Am I wrong for my firm stance that she needs to bring just one person?

-- Upset Bride to Be

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