Man at the beach gives bikinis a round of applause
Stop blaming your wife for being frustrated about your inability to keep your eyes in your head.
Dear Amy: After nearly 15 years of marriage, my wife and I have yet to agree on the cleaning of dishes. I was taught growing up that dishes are not to be left in the sink. My wife grew up in a family that left everything in the sink until, I suppose, someone had time to clean up.
If I don't touch the dishes she's left in the sink, she will clean them up within a few hours. The problem is that she gets mad at me whenever I'm washing one of my own dishes and I ignore hers.
I don't mind cleaning other peoples' dishes now and then (and we have young kids, which complicates the problem). But I resent being expected to clean her dishes nearly every time I go to the sink, while she is never left to clean mine.
Any thoughts?
-- Feeling Dished
Dear Dished: You are facing an all-too-common domestic question. One obvious solution is that if you want the dishes washed -- now -- then you should wash them. All of them. I think you know it's obnoxiously passive-aggressive to only do your own. You two are married parents, not Craigslist roommates. You should each step up and do things that need to be done without keeping score.
In my household, whoever cooks doesn't have to do the dishes. It's a pretty simple equation. Getting them washed before breakfast the next day seems like a reasonable goal.
I'm sure there are things you do (or don't do) around the house that drive your wife crazy, too, so maybe it's time to revisit the distribution of labor.
Also, get your children involved. The kids in my life love having jobs; I have a photo of my 5-year-old nieces loading the dishwasher with such precision and glee, you'd think they were on a trip to Disneyland.
I'd love to hear from other readers here. How do you settle household chore debates?
Dear Amy: The letter from "Disturbed Dad" literally made me sick. This dad was trying to teach his young children that stepfamilies aren't "real" relatives. Thank you for re-educating him.
-- Grateful for my Steps
Dear Grateful: Many readers responded as you have. Thank you.
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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Amy Dickinson, c/o Tribune Content Agency, LLC., 16650 Westgrove Dr., Suite 175, Addison, TX 75001. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)
