Grieving husband deserves sympathy
In this case, of course, they should contact you, and the fact that they haven't makes it sound as if they wrote off their brother many years ago. Their inattention is rude and hurtful. ("Not knowing what to say" is no excuse.)
You and your husband seem to have tried to maintain a relationship with these faraway family members over the years. The family's collective behavior now illustrates why he left his home 50 years ago to live on the other side of the country, and why he was so lucky to have you.
Dear Amy: For the second time in less than three years, my husband is going to be treated for cancer.
We know the toll it takes on him, with a lowered immunity from treatments. This time he is also battling a newly diagnosed heart problem.
We have told no one about either of these diagnoses or treatments.
We are very private people and prefer not to have people asking how he is, how treatments are going, gossiping amongst the neighborhood, etc.
We were able to successfully and carefully avoid social situations the first time he had cancer. But we have many elderly neighbors who feel slighted if we do not accept their social invitations. They ask if they have offended us when we do turn down offers to socialize.
How do we protect my husband's health and our privacy without offending others?
-- Privately Perplexed
Dear Perplexed: You can dodge by saying, "Thank you for the invitation, but we're into staying home lately and we're turning down all invitations for the next little while." If they ask if everything is all right, tell them, "Everything is fine." If they ask if they have offended you, say "No, not at all."
...continued
