More Evidence Bald Men Are Useless

New research shows that hair can capture a chemical record of human exposure across days, week and even months. Writing in the journal Chemical Research in Toxicology, scientists at the University of Texas analyzed snippets of hair and found that for at least one chemical -- a class of common endocrine-disrupting plasticizer called phthalates found in household materials and personal care products -- levels matched back to different time exposures.

Most exposure studies rely on urine or blood, which fluctuate daily and capture only recent exposures. By contrast, hair grows slowly and steadily, incorporating compounds into its structure as it forms. Every half-inch represents about a month of chemical history.

Part of the researchers' message is that exposure to harmful substances doesn't just come from smokestacks or car exhaust. Americans spend roughly 90% of their time indoors, where pollutants from cooking, furniture cleaning products and even our bodies often dominate. Simple habits like vacuuming more frequently and avoiding personal care products that contain phthalates can lower exposures.

"Even knowing that before going to bed, just opening the windows for a few minutes and flushing the house with some fresh air, (your) exposure can really be much smaller," said study coauthor Pawal Misztal.

Body of Knowledge

The typical human body is roughly 60% water. Whole human blood is slightly less than 80% water. Yet blood makes up only 1/13th of the total weight of the human body. Most water weight (two-thirds) is intracellular. That is, fluid within cells, of which the average adult has 30 to 40 trillion.

Stories for the Waiting Room

A new study out of Texas A&M suggests that just 20 minutes of exercise twice a week may help slow dementia. Specifically, they evaluated nearly 10,000 people (median age 78) for signs of mild cognitive impairment, a loss of memory or other thinking processes that is noticeable but does not affect everyday life. MCI is thought to be one step on the path to Alzheimer's disease and related dementias, though the connection isn't linear.

"Older adults who maintained moderate levels of physical activity showed a significantly lower chance of developing dementia over time, while those who were less active saw little to no benefit," said study coauthor Junhyoung "Paul" Kim.

"This highlights the importance of regular movement -- such as walking -- as a simple and effective strategy to support brain health."

Doc Talk

Schizophasia: A neurological symptom in which the patient utters a confused or unintelligible mixture of seemingly random words or phrases, i.e., a word salad

Phobia of the Week

Agyrophobia: Fear of crossing streets (uncommon in chickens; a fear of chickens is known as alektorophobia. Presumably, a fear of chickens crossing streets would be agyroalectrorophobia, which in turn might spawn hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia or a fear of long words (but not hippos)

Best Medicine

A man goes to a clinic.

"Doc, I think I'm a bit hard of hearing," the man declares.

"Can you describe the symptoms?" asks the physician.

"Sure," says the man. "Marge has blue hair. Homer is fat and bald."

Hypochondriac's Guide

Dyschronometria is a brain dysfunction in which affected individuals cannot accurately estimate how much time has passed, also called distorted time perception. It is similar to other forms of dyslexia and is quite common among some annoying friends and family.

Observation

Why don't they just get taller girls for ballet?

Medical History

This week in 1794, Elizabeth Hogg Bennett became the first woman in the United States to successfully give birth to a child by caesarean section. Her physician-husband Jesse Bennett performed the operation, though he had no anesthetic to give her. Jesse Bennett asked another local doctor to assist, but he declined, citing excessive risk. Instead, Jesse Bennett enlisted the help of two field hands to hold the mother on a wooden table.

While Elizabeth Hogg Bennett's C-section was the first of its kind in the U.S., the procedure dates back centuries. The name only indirectly refers to Roman emperor Julius Caesar, who was born by natural means but under Roman law decreed that all pregnant women who were dead or dying must be cut open to save the child.

Perishable Publications

Many, if not most, published research papers have titles that defy comprehension. They use specialized jargon, complex words and opaque phrases like "nonlinear dynamics." Sometimes they don't, yet they're still hard to figure out. Here's an actual title of actual published research study: "A mathematical model of Bieber Fever: The most infectious disease of our time?"

Published in 2012 in the journal Transworld Research Network, a pair of Canadian researchers created a model to describe the spread of Bieber Fever, i.e., fans of singer Justin Bieber who characteristically suffer symptoms like "time-wasting, excessive purchasing of useless merchandise and uncontrollable crying and/or screaming."

Bieber Fever remains a phenomenon, but like COVID-19, it has been pushed somewhat aside by new events and performers. A new Bieber tour, however, could spawn superspreader events.

Med School

Q: What is the appendix attached to in the human body?

A) Cecum

B) Stomach

C) Ileum

D) Pancreas

A: A) Cecum. The appendix is closed at one end and is attached at the other end to the cecum, the pouchlike beginning of the large intestine, connecting the small intestine (ileum) to the colon, primarily acting as a reservoir for digested food waste and helping absorb fluids and salts while mixing contents with mucus. The appendix acts as a safe house for beneficial gut bacteria that help repopulate the digestive system after illness. Negative points if you said the appendix was attached to the end of books.

Epitaphs

"Here lies Anne Mann; she lived an

Old maid and died an old Mann." -- On a tombstone at Bath Abbey in England

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To find out more about Scott LaFee and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.